All I Ever Wanted

Part Three: Reality

-Kendrix-

I wake to the soft sound of my husband's sleep.

I open my eyes, nestling closer to his warmth. His arms wrap me, and I'm glad for it. Slowly, I reach out my hand, and run my fingers against his strong jaw. And for a moment, I revel in the feel of his stubbly chin against my skin.

Every morning is the same. Every morning is perfect. Each day is long and lazy, and each night is refreshing and sweet.

And every morning I wake just before sunrise. No matter how long I sleep, I never miss the sunrise.

I know something isn't right. I can't place my finger on it, nor have I developed a hypothesis yet, but I just know this isn't real. No matter how wonderful it feels, lying in his arms, talking to him, holding him... I know this can't last.

I refuse to accept this perfection without a healthy dose of skepticism.

As the days go by, I've managed to piece together the puzzle of my memory. Each day I muse on the feelings that brewed just beneath the surface of my consciousness, buzzing just beyond my hearing. Slowly, I'm getting somewhere.

I carefully creep from Leo's intoxicating embrace. I know the longer I stay with him, the more I want to submit to this wonderful dream.

I frown, furious at my own weakness. This is a dream! I know it is! And somehow, I have to figure out how to return home! Home to my friends, home to my responsibilities...

Home to Leo. The real Leo.

This man is gorgeous, charming, and attentive, but he's not Leo. He doesn't challenge me, or intrigue me in the same way the real Leo always does. And while this man beside me has won my affection, he hasn't earned my love. Or... my trust.

I feel my frustration build, and quicken my pace. Soon, my feet sink into the powdery sand of that wonderful beach, and I wait for that familiar calmness to soothe my mind.

Strangely enough, that peace doesn't come. Instead, I feel something else... something churning from deep within. Suddenly terrified, I fall to my knees as a geyser of pain erupts from within me.

Never before has the world gone so black, so quickly.

* * *

I don't know how much time has passed. Hours? Days? Or perhaps, I've entered another phase of this dream?

For once, I do not wake in the warm perfection of my bed. I feel the grains of sand cling to my sweat-soaked skin, and slowly rise.

I tremble as I realize that I am surrounded by sand. No ocean babbles to the east, no modest home rests behind me.

Yet I know I am not alone.

"Who are you?" I shout into the nothingness. "Show yourself!"

No sooner do I voice my demand that it comes to pass. I whirl around, and my jaw drops in renewed shock.

"Mike?"

Leo's elder brother slowly shakes his head. "This is the form you have chosen," he explains, in a deep, solemn voice that is nothing at all like Mike Corbett's. "This is the form of a person you trust, to whom you look for guidance. So this is the form in which you see me."

My eyes harden as I stare at the doppelganger. "Where are we?"

"You are in the Nexus," he explained, "a pocket dimension that is nearly impossible for any to reach from the mortal plane. Somehow, you pierced the dimensional fabric, and entered this domain."

A vision of fierce red smoke and white fire flashes through my mind. I shake off the memory, and return my full attention to 'Mike.' "What is the 'Nexus,' exactly?"

"Unlike the realm from whence you came, the Nexus is a perfectly malleable environment. You exert your desires onto the plane, and what you wish will appear."

Not wholly unlike what I had suspected; a dream world made reality. My heart sinks when I realize that, for an unknown length of time, I've been living in an elaborate Simudeck.

"How do I get back?"

'Mike' stares at me in silence. "There is no way back."

A chill sweeps through me. "Of course there is!" I object, with far more venom than I intend. "If there's a way into this dream world, then there's a way out of it!"

Again, he sets his dark gaze on me. I fight a shiver as I feel his perception enter my mind.

"No one has ever asked to go back," he murmurs. "Do not fret... you will be happy here."

I open my mouth to refute his brazen assumption, but the sudden pain in the core of my being returns. I stagger, falling again to the sand as my knees give way.

This time, I maintain consciousness. I stare up at 'Mike,' who watches me without the slightest gleam of concern. As I gaze into those dispassionate eyes, I wonder how I could have mistaken the creature before me for the friend I admire.

"What... are you... doing to me?"

"I do nothing." He lowers himself to the ground, and rests his fingers against my head. His touch is ice to my fevered brow.

"I see," he breathes, his tone thoughtful. "Now I understand."

"Understand what?"

"What draws you to your world. What keeps you from embracing the Nexus." He rises to his full height, his cool gaze hovering over me. "You are bound to your world."

I tremble as the pain slowly subsides. "I don't understand," I admit.

"You are a Power Ranger. Your soul is bound to the Quasar Saber. So long as you live, you will be bound to the Saber. It has chosen you to wield its power."

The fading pain disorients me, but I am still able to reach a conclusion based on 'Mike's' comment. If I'm linked to the real world, then I must be able get back...

"You must break your bond with the Saber."

My eyes widen. "What?"

His eyes remain unfathomable. "You feel pain because your Saber has fallen into evil hands. The darkness encroaches upon the light of the Power. You had been chosen to wield and protect the Saber, but now you are unable. You must pass the responsibility to another."

Obstinance hardens my heart. "I will not give up the Saber. And I will not surrender to this world!"

His gaze is almost... puzzled. "The Saber is what keeps you from accepting the Nexus whole-heartedly. Relinquish the Saber, Kendrix Morgan. Otherwise, the Power Rangers will be incomplete."

He has me now, and he knows it. In the Nexus, I can't protect the Quasar Saber. I can only feel the foul corruption that threatens to taint the pure Power forever.

I had been willing to die to help Cassie, and Terra Venture. I can't be so selfish as to jeopardize my teammates by single-mindedly clinging to the Saber... to the last thread that ties me to my home.

In all my life, I have never felt so defeated. "What... do I do?"

* * *

I walk in a hazy jungle, each step taken with the greatest caution. Where am I? Am I back on Mirinoi? My blood freezes as I scan this dark plane, trying to prepare myself for the sight of my dear friends and family frozen in stances of shocked horror, as Furio's dark magic petrified all living creatures on my peaceful planet.

Yet nothing could prepare me for what awaits me in a clearing.

My throat dries as too many confused feelings swell within me. I know that voice! "Kendrix!"

I dash toward the sound of the voice, my joy boundless as I yearn to welcome my dear friend back!

We have all been weighed down by Kendrix's death. It was as if a thick miasma of sorrow hung in the air, making each breath arduous, depriving us of any enthusiasm or energy. Damon has holed himself in the Megaship, busy with some project beyond my understanding. Kai has only endured the days through a rigid schedule, keeping his attention on his duties so as to prevent his mind from wandering. Mike has also taken refuge in his responsibilities, maintaining a notable distance from the rest of us. And Leo... only the Gods know what he's been up to the past few days, but our paths have not crossed since it happened.

But it doesn't matter anymore. Now, the nightmare of Rashon can finally be put behind us!

"Gods, Kendrix!" I gasp, "We've..."

My cheer sinks into sickened despair so quickly my knees grow rigid. I freeze in my tracks a few paces from my best friend's... ghost.

After Rashon, I had slowly resigned myself to the grim truth that Kendrix had died to save us all. Still, it's harsh reality to see this confirmation, floating in the dark, cold air with its hands clasped tightly.

My tears fall freely as I look up into the faded blue eyes of my spirit sister. Only one thought forms in my dazed mind. "We miss you so much."

I peer at the spirit, trying to see through the bright light framing her to make out her expression. But while I don't see her sorrow, I hear it in her voice.

I wish so fervently I could hug her, but while I've never seen a ghost before personally, I know otherworldly spirits cannot be touched by mortal hands. "We all wish we could've saved you," I tell her, moved by a desperate need to unburden my conscience. "I'm sorry you had to face Psycho Pink without us... I'm sorry we let you down."

I feel the warmth of her smile. "Nobody let me down. I took matters into my own hands, and I don't regret what I did."

I struggle for composure, wiping hot tears with both hands like a heartbroken child. "You don't have to be so brave, Kendrix... I know you better than that. I know you're angry, and I know you feel cheated. Your life was cut so short... it's tragic, for a Ranger, or anyone else!"

I think I surprised her with that observation. When will she learn that she doesn't have to keep up her perfect façade? That she has every right to feel miserable... that she can't ease our pain with kind lies?

She stays silent for a long moment, before finally responding. "I'm not angry... because I'm not dead."

Her revelation so startles me I stumble forward, as if freed from shackles that had bound me. "You're... not a ghost?"

She shakes her head.

"Then... where are you? What happened to you??"

She lifted her hand. "I'm still figuring it out. All I know now is, I'm trapped in a pocket dimension called the Nexus."

She must have seen the horror on my face, for she hastily adds: "Don't worry, I'm in a wonderful place! I'm not being held captive, and I'm not in any danger. I'm just... stranded."

I'm so overwhelmed, my lips tremble as I stammer an assurance. "We'll find you, Kendrix. I swear we'll-"

"No!" I wince at the sharpness of her voice. "Please, Maya... you can't afford to invest too much time or energy into searching for me; not with Trakeena lurking around Terra Venture, and my Saber missing!"

I flinch again as I consider the fate of the enchanted Quasar Saber. I had assumed it was destroyed in the explosion, but now that I know Kendrix has been transported to another dimension, perhaps something similar had happened to her weapon?

"The Saber isn't in the Nexus with you?"

"Guinit," I repeat, pressing the unfamiliar name to my memory. "But Kendrix, even if we find the Saber, it will not yield its power to anyone but you. You were Chosen!"

"As Rangers, our first priority is to defend the defenseless," Kendrix asserts. "We have to do everything in our power to protect Terra Venture. Without my Saber, the team is far from full strength. And if my Saber is compromised by evil, we may never be able to restore it. Please, Maya, go to Guinit. Find my Saber! And don't worry about me... I'm okay."

And then, she begins to fade.

"Kendrix, wait!" I beg, reaching futily to grasp the air. As soon as my fingers feel the warmth that is my best friend's presence...

... I leap from my bed sheets as if I've been electrified.

My breath comes in rapid puffs as I stare into the darkness of the too large, too empty quarters I shared... share... with Kendrix. The disorientation of deep sleep slowly ebbs, leaving my senses sharp and clear.

It wasn't a dream. I know I wasn't dreaming.

Kendrix came to me. She spoke to me. And she told me exactly what to do.

* * *

I watch, grinning with satisfaction, as my best friend dashes down the quiet hall of Terra Venture, whispering into her communicator along the way.

Then, a hand touches my face, breaking the connection.

I glare at the Caretaker of the Nexus. I refuse to even acknowledge his resemblance to Mike... he is nothing like my friend.

"Once your Saber has been rescued from evil hands, you will no longer feel the pain of its corruption."

"Maybe not," I concede, "but that won't sever my connection to the Saber, and to the real world. Maya said that I was Chosen for the Saber... I can't just give it to someone else. And I believe her."

"The Yellow Ranger knows the legends of the Sabers, but she does not know them intimately. The Power is woven throughout the universe, and is tapped through certain rare outlets. One such outlet is the planet of Mirinoi, and the Quasar Sabers, forged in the scalding heat of the planet's core, are the foci of this energy. You were Chosen to be the Pink Ranger, Ranger of Life, because you were deemed worthy to defend the galaxy. However, even though you pulled the Saber from the stone, you are not the only one who can use it. Did not your friend Mike extract the Red Saber? Who uses it now?"

The Caretaker's cold logic extinguishes my optimism like a candle caught in a draft. I had forgotten that Leo wasn't the one to pull the Red Saber.

"In times of crisis, the Power can be transferred to another worthy individual. Once a worthy soul touches your Saber, you will feel the pull. And once you relinquish the Power, you will be free from your reality."

And suddenly, he is gone.

No longer am I surrounded by featureless sands. Instead, I hear the soft rumble of waves breaking against the shore. Above me, the sun bathes the beach in its gentle warmth. Behind me, the creaking of feet against wooden steps alerts me to another presence.

"Kendrix? Keni, what's wrong?"

He hurries toward me, laying one hand steady on my shoulder as the other lifts my chin. My gaze meets the concerned peridot of his own, and my vision blurs anew.

He doesn't say another word. Instead, he wraps his strong arms around me, urging my face into his broad chest. And as I breathe him in, savoring the scent, touch, and sight that is uniquely Leo, the tears come freely.

I know for certain that this isn't Leo. It is an image, constructed from my memories and impressions. It is no more alive than a mirage, and can't truly feel. It only feels what I think Leo would feel... or more accurately, what I want Leo to feel.

I should be repulsed by this doppelganger. I should pull away from his embrace, and will him away. If this Nexus is truly a malleable environment, I should have the ability to make him disappear.

Only, I can't. I don't have the willpower to make him go away.

I need him. I... don't want to be alone.

* * *

I hate being alone.

It's just too quiet... too easy to get lost in thoughts and memories I don't want to revisit.

But I don't have a choice. This office is off-limits during the main shift, so my only option is to come at night. And if any of Terra Venture's Cultural Analysis team finds "Lieutenant Corbett's stowaway brother" rummaging through the translation of the Galaxy Book, eyebrows would definitely rise.

Not that I'm all that concerned about keeping my secret identity. It's funny how things that used to be important just fade into nothing... and little things that used to mean nothing suddenly become the axis the world revolves around.

Like the way she glared at me when I tried to sneak a taste of Damon's birthday cake. Or when she snatched the Lights of Orion from me, thinking I'd find a way to break a chunk of solid rock.

The scent of her perfume, a muted vanilla that only registers when she's very near. I first caught a whiff when I bowled her over, as I ran from the security guards at Terra Venture's launch. Sweet, modest, and alluring... just like Kendrix.

I can still smell it. Here, in this seat she'd spent hours in, studying the Galaxy Book with the kind of studious attention that makes my head spin. That's one reason why I do this... why I spend my nights at this computer terminal. Here, sitting on the seat she occupied, typing on the keyboard her fingers last touched, breathing in the scent of her, I feel closer to her.

Of course, that's not the only reason I'm here. I'm here to figure out what happened to her.

I can't believe; I refuse to believe she... didn't make it.

I've walked away from too many close calls, and have seen my friends survive too many near-death battles, to just give up on her.

My brother fell into a great crevice on the surface of a planet rapidy dying, protected only by his GSA standard battle suit, and he survived. I battled Scorpius himself, and I live to tell the tale.

Kendrix must be alive.

So I continue to research my initial ideas with avid attention. Is there any reason to believe the Savage Sword had any inter-dimensional properties? Why not? After all, this entire book discusses a Lost Galaxy, a realm only accessible through a wormhole into the Milky Way. And when we first endured the GSA training exercise on the moon, a random wormhole opened up to take us to Mirinoi, and our destinies.

It's not such a stretch that she was caught in another spatial anomaly.

I'm not in denial. I'm just focusing on the scenario that gives me something to do about the situation. If Kendrix is... if she didn't make it, there's no harm in leaving no stone unturned. But if she is out there somewhere, then by just assuming she's out of our reach, we'd be abandoning her. I refuse to take that chance.

I won't let her down.

The dead silence is broken by the jarring pulse of my communicator. ^Guys, meet me in the Megaship. We have an emergency.^

Finally, there is a break in the monotony of the past few days. Something's going on... we can finally take action.

I jump from the computer station and dash to the Megaship hangar in record time. By the time I reach the bridge of the Kerovan vessel, my heart beats a mile a minute.

Maya stands by the theater-sized view screen, her arms tightly folded as she studies the stars hanging in the endless expanse of outer space.

I don't speak. My tongue is knotted by too much anxious impatience as I wonder what Maya wants us to see. After a few eternal minutes, the rest of the team pours through the sliding doors.

Kai stares at Maya through bloodshot eyes. "What's the emergency?"

Maya doesn't turn to face us. "Kendrix's Quasar Saber has fallen into evil hands," she reveals. "We have to find it."

It takes me a while to process this information. "How do you know that?"

Her arms fall to her sides. "Kendrix came to me."

The questions come all at once, flying in from all sides.

"Kendrix?"

"Where is she?"

"When did you see her? Tonight?"

"What happened to her?"

I remain silent, listening to the bombardment of questions in a state of wonder. She's alive! I knew it! Now all I have to do is find her, and everything will be okay again...

The severity in Maya's gaze snatches my attention. "Kendrix is trying to get back to us. But she doesn't have the Quasar Saber. It's on the planet Guinit. And we need to find it, before it's too late."

"I've never even heard of that planet," Kai confesses, hurrying to the computers. After a few moments' processing delay the screen zooms in on a system, and draws a broken line toward it. "There's not much information here, either. It's near the center of Dark Specter's empire before the Great Purge, and is in the Parphen system, about a four-day flight from here."

"We're gonna need to call in some vacation time," Damon murmurs, rolling up his sleeves. "Lemme take a look at the engines; maybe I can give them a boost to save us some time?"

"Mike, we need to see Commander Stanton," Kai realizes. "First thing in the morning."

I watch incredulously as Damon, Kai, and Mike turn to leave. Didn't they hear what Maya said?

"What about Kendrix?" I demand. "We have to find her!"

I turn to Maya, jumping over the navigation station to close the gap between us. "You said Kendrix 'came' to you. What does that mean?"

I can see the tension knotting her face. She doesn't want to tell me.

"Maya, please!" I insist, taking her shoulders. "We need to find her."

She bites her lip before answering. "No," she murmurs faintly, "she told me we need to find the Quasar Saber. It's more important to protect-"

"Screw the Saber!" I yell, my frustration reaching a boiling point.

I back down when my brother approaches us, separating me from Maya with his firm grip and commanding stare.

"Leo, we need to respect Kendrix's wishes here. And we need to think about Terra Venture, too. Without the Pink Ranger, there's no Megazord, and no Lights of Orion. If Trakeena gets her act together and makes a move, we might not have the strength to stop her!"

My jaw drops as I turn to Mike. "Are you telling me that we're gonna replace her?"

He meets my accusing glare evenly. "No, I'm not. But I am saying that we have to remember our duty, and Kendrix's duty as well. If she's asking us to save the Saber, that means she's not in a position to do it herself. How do you think she'll react if we find her, but have to tell her that we lost her Saber forever?"

I have no answer. My outrage slowly fizzles to helpless irritation.

Maya then takes my shaking fist in her hands, and offers a faint smile. "I know how you feel," she assures me, in her most soothing tone, "but Kendrix doesn't need our help as urgently as you think. She's in a pocket dimension called the Nexus; she said she's not in any danger..."

I don't hear another word of Maya's argument. Instead, I latch onto that critical piece of information, and hurry off the bridge. I dodge passed my stunned teammates, rushing back to Terra Venture to take advantage of the few more hours of night I have.

The Nexus... it must be referenced in the Galaxy Book somewhere!