Yeow… I don't know how over a year has passed since I've updated this story! I'm sorry about the delays, and I really appreciate you guys sticking with me and coming back despite the long lag. Your patience is infinite, and I am humbled. Anyway, this installment makes reference to the episode "Turn Up the Volume." © February 2006

All I Ever Wanted

Part Ten: The Discovery

For the past three days, I've been on Cloud Nine.

Thanks to some new algorithm or something the Science team has designed to crack the magical code, an additional eight percent of the Galaxy Book's contents are now translatable. And also, as it happens, part of this newly discovered text reveals information about a Lost Galaxy, which of course has piqued Commander Stanton's interest. He's an explorer, after all, and information specifically about a whole new galaxy is just too good to pass up. No one ever expected Terra Venture to find out anything about another galaxy… our own galaxy is big enough to keep us busy exploring for generations. Still, a discovery like this would be a feather in anyone's cap, so the Commander has made the Galaxy Book the Science Division's top priority.

The Lost Galaxy itself doesn't interest me. My concern is the Nexus, and the past few days of my personal research have been fueled by the hope that possibly, the additional eight percent of the Galaxy Book that is now available for translation also contains some mention of the pocket dimension that holds Kendrix hostage.

Of course, the Science team's renewed interest in the Galaxy Book has made getting actual time with the Book that much more difficult. Shifts are going around the clock in the Science Division now, meaning I haven't actually seen the Book since before the fight with Magnetox. But that hasn't hindered my own side project with the Book too badly.

I only have Karone to thank for that.

She's the one that figured out how to access the Science Division's shared files with Kendrix's computer. And she's the one who's been helping me read through every documented translation of the Galaxy Book we can find, comparing the English with the scanned images of the Book, studying the illustrations scattered throughout the pages, searching for any clue, any hint of a pocket dimension.

At this rate, we'll find Kendrix in no time. I can feel it in my bones…

"Leo!"

I peer up into the branches of the oak tree a few yards in front of me, catching the flash of yellow and toss of long brown hair. "Hey, Maya! What's up? Besides you, obviously…"

I then take a startled step back as she drops to the ground, sticking her landing like a pro gymnast.

I grin at our resident acrobat as she drags a few stray leaves from her hair. "What were you doing up there?"

She gestures to the pasture in the far corner of the Forest Dome that very few people venture through. "I was speaking to the Wildcat. I needed to confirm something before I discussed the matter with you."

Wide-eyed, I stare into the distance for some trace of the pink-and-white Galactabeast. "Does this have something to do with Kendrix?"

Maya shakes her head solemnly. "No, Leo. This is about Karone."

Her grave tone puts me on alert. "What happened to Karone?"

"She's not in any danger; at least, I don't think she is. But I know something's troubling her." Her large brown eyes are openly worried. "She's not sleeping, Leo."

I frown, puzzled. "Do you mean she's not sleeping well?"

Maya sighs, taking a seat on the grass beneath the large tree. I sink down beside her. "Hardly at all, it seems. Not since she recovered from her fight with the ghost from her past. Several times at night I've woken to discover her bed empty. She sits at Kendrix's computer station for hours. Sometimes all night long."

I knew she'd been working independently on the Galaxy Book translation, but I had no idea… "Are you sure about this?"

"Positive, Leo. Last night, she didn't even bother to change into her pajamas. She spent the entire night on the computer."

I grimace, rolling my eyes to the projected blue sky above us. "What did the Wildcat have to say?"

"She's worried about Karone as well," Maya reveals quietly. "Yesterday, when we fought the Decibat, Karone was particularly tense and anxious. The Wildcat was surprised to feel the Pink Ranger so… strained."

My thoughts drift back to our battle with Trakeena's sonic creature. "I didn't notice anything off with Karone," I admit, "She was effective in the fight, and she spent a lot of time encouraging Damon to apply for the head engineer position."

"I wouldn't have suspected anything either, if it weren't for her refusal to sleep." Maya leans against her knees. "But the more I think about it, it seems like she's trying to keep herself busy, whether it's with Damon, or with you, or on the computer... doing whatever it is she's doing..."

Her inquisitive eyes slide my way. "Do you know what she's doing, Leo?"

For some reason, I don't want to tell Maya... or any of the others... about my search for Kendrix. The time for commiseration is long over, and the last thing I need right now is more pity. Until I find something conclusive, I'm keeping this project under wraps. No sense getting them involved until I have some good news to share.

"Research," I answer, though I don't offer any details.

Maya frowns at my vague response. "I hope she finds what she's looking for soon, then," she comments, rising to her feet. "But this is more than diligence, Leo; otherwise, she wouldn't have made time for Damon yesterday. I'm sure she's bothered by something, but she won't tell me. She might be more willing to speak to you."

I nod, getting the message loud and clear. "I'll talk to her, Maya."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later I find myself standing in a quiet corridor, a cup of marshmallow-sweetened coffee in my hand as an ice-breaker as I hover outside a familiar door.

I'm really grateful for all Karone's help; really I am. Without it, I know I'd be back at square one, kicking my foot against a wall in frustration. But when I asked her to help me find Kendrix, I never imagined that my… obsession could become hers.

What could've happened? She's been helping me ever since she arrived on Terra Venture, and I never got the impression that she was putting this much work into our project. Did something happen when she got the Keys? Is there some new reason for this urgency?

Is there something I should know?

The door slides open for me, and I stroll in, my eyes drawn toward Kendrix's desk. And that's where our current Pink Ranger sits, chewing her bottom lip and staring at the flickering screen.

"Karone?"

She flinches and blinks, as if suddenly released from a spell. The smile she directs at me is flimsy at best. "Leo. You're early."

"I'm not the only one who got an early start," I comment, sitting the coffee cup beside the keyboard.

Her eyes slide back to the screen, seemingly riveted. "There's a lot of ground to cover," she comments casually. "Every time I log on there's more translated text. The Science Team is working miracles!"

I resist the temptation to settle down beside her and comb the new material. I'm not going to encourage this single-mindedness... I'm not.

"Still, it doesn't mean you have to sit here all day and night," I comment, perching on the desk beside the monitor. "Why are you sitting here day and night, anyway?"

* * *

It takes a moment for his question to sink in. I straighten, blinking rapidly to clear the afterimage of alien pictograms that's been seared into my retinas, and turn to stare at Leo.

The look he's giving me is one I'm familiar with. Andros often looked at me like that, especially the first weeks after the Countdown, when I couldn't bear the weight of my sins.

Leo's concerned. But, what is he so worried about?

"I'm here because I have a job to do," I remind him. "Kendrix is waiting for us, and now we have an opportunity to search for her." I reach for the coffee, taking a slow sip and reveling in its sweet warmth.

"You know I appreciate everything you've done to help me; I can't even tell you what a difference you've made in researching the Galaxy Book... but I never wanted to impose on you." His expression is oddly serious. "Maya told me you're not sleeping."

My eyebrow rises as I consider the blatant breech of privacy. "I appreciate your concern, but there's no need to worry," I tell him firmly, drawing away from him.

His eyes never leave me, and I start to feel... flustered. "Well, I definitely think you deserve a break, then." He reaches to the computer monitor, turning off the screen. "So, instead of researching, why don't we just talk a little?

Gods of the universe, why does everyone think they need to tell me what's good for me? "I'd really rather not, Leo. Believe me, I'm perfectly fine."

Though frankly, my obvious aggravation doesn't help my case. I struggle not to sigh… I should be better able to control my feelings. I was pretty good at that once upon a time.

I reach over to turn the monitor back on, but Leo stays my hand. I look at his hand, gently but securely wrapped around my wrist, and blink in surprise.

"Karone, you know you're one of us, right?" My eyebrow rises as I return his gaze. "I mean it," he insists. "You're one of us now, and that means that, thick or thin, you can count on us. If there's anything we can do to help you, you know you can come to us."

He then releases my wrist. "I just want to make sure you know that, okay?"

I bow my head, suddenly feeling sheepish for my defensive reaction. Obviously I hadn't been masking my foul mood very effectively. I had hoped that being useful to the Rangers, filling up my time with projects, would keep my mind occupied enough not to realize how long it's been since Zhane and I spoke. Since… he abruptly terminated our discussion.

It's been precisely ninety-two hours. Seems like my distraction techniques haven't produced results.

Leo is probably the one person on this ship who can understand what I'm going through. Our situations may be different, but there's a shroud of frightening uncertainty that darkens both our relationships. We don't know when we'll find Kendrix. And we don't know when I'll be able to return to Earth. If… I'll be able to return to Earth.

I know telling Leo won't help anything. It won't make Zhane contact me, nor will it hasten my return to Earth.

Nonetheless, I wonder if confession really is good for the soul. "I had an argument with my fiancé," I murmur at last. "He's… less than thrilled with the status of my mission out here."

Embarrassment warms my cheeks as soon as I see his startled expression. "You're engaged?"

I can't quite keep the solemn note from my voice. "I… think so." His quizzical look loosens my tongue. "I should say, I was engaged when I left Earth to find Kendrix's saber. But our circumstances have, obviously, changed a great deal the past few weeks."

I stare into the coffee cup, watching the last vestiges of marshmallow melt into the dark roast. "We strongly disagree on whether I should be out here on Terra Venture. It was my decision to make, but still the consequences can't be ignored. I don't know when, or even if, I'll return to Earth."

I look up into Leo's shell-shocked green eyes. "It's not that I don't want to be out here… I can't even explain how important it is for me to be a Ranger. I've learned so much, and grown so much… I love being part of your team. But, it hurts to think about what I left behind. I'm not even sure it's reasonable of me to expect him to wait for me."

I breathe deeply, feeling strangely better. I guess vocalizing concerns really does help one's state of mind.

Leo's frown is thoughtful as his eyes linger on my Morpher. "Karone… I'm sorry. I had no idea you were dealing with this."

"It's not your fault, by any means-"

"I know, but still… I should've paid more attention."

He stands up, walking to the large window that proudly displays the vast open space before us. "You really should know that you've been a big help to us since you came. You're a dependable Ranger, and you have knowledge about magic and the universe that has saved our bacon more than once. You're making a big difference here."

A grateful grin brightens my face. "Thanks, Leo. It's good to hear it."

He returns the smile, and then nods his head. "And guess what? Now we have another reason to find Kendrix as soon as possible. Once Kendrix is back, you'll have the freedom to go home whenever you want."

He takes the initiative, turning on the computer monitor. "So let's get to work!"

* * *

The hours go by in a blur as we pour over the text available to us. Unfortunately, a lot of sentences are only half- translated, leaving us to try and decipher what we can from what we can read.

After every few sentence fragments I read, I can't help but glance at Karone.

I can't believe what she's done for us. I mean, I've had a feeling since our first conversation that she left someone important behind… but a fiancé? That's… that's just incredible.

It scares me to even think about making that kind of decision. I mean, how could I get through each day knowing that I consciously decided to leave the one I love? It's bad enough that Kendrix was sucked away by a freak accident, but at least I know what happened was completely out of my hands. If I added the guilt factor of knowing I was responsible…

No wonder she doesn't sleep much.

"Leo!" she gasps, the sudden shout almost knocking me out of my chair, "I think I found something!"

I blink stupidly as Karone drags me to the text she'd been reading. "You found a reference to the Nexus?"

Her face is bright with excitement. "Not just a reference… this page has the word translated 'Nexus' eight times! I thought it was too good to be true at first, but after reading the first bit, I think it's a safe bet that we're talking about the same pocket dimension. Here… look."

She scrolls down the screen, pointing at the scanned image of the Galaxy Book with the corresponding text. "Too bad we didn't get the whole account… it looks like we only have a part in the middle. See? Looking at the spacing and margins, the previous paragraph and at least two paragraphs on the following page seem to continue the same account. Also, some words within the text are currently marked 'untranslatable,' so we'll have to figure them out by context."

I'm too excited to see a down side to this. "What does it say?"

Karone squints thoughtfully at the screen. "It looks like this section chronicles a spaceship called the Itobi. No mention of what planet it was from, or when this occurred. Hmm… okay, the ship was collecting data on a strange energy surge that erupted… the place is untranslatable, but it must've been on a planet, because a research crew of seven was sent to investigate."

Karone pauses, reading the paragraph and figuring it out in her head. I can't stand to wait, so I peer over her shoulder at the screen.

"The seven explorers vanished in a flash of light, leaving nothing behind," she continues, "The rest of the crew searched the area without finding a trace. The seven were assumed dead."

I narrow my eyes at the monitor. "Well, we know that's not what happened to Kendrix. Maya said Kendrix came to her in a dream."

Karone smiles at me. "I know, Leo, I know. I spoke to Kendrix myself, remember?"

She then turns back to the screen, and reads silently before speaking again. "It goes on: one of the seven, named Jun-ha Diran, was… hmm, this part is choppy, but it looks like she was bound to someone on the ship. Her husband."

"Bound?"

"Yes – some species can form psychic links with their loved ones. They can speak to each other telepathically, or even sense each other's feelings. It's not an uncommon trait in strongly telepathic species."

I watch Karone's face rather than the screen, noting her reaction.

"I don't know what kind of telepathic bond this species has, but it's a very strong one," she comments, fascinated. "In fact, Jun-ha's husband was able to sense that she was still alive. The rest of this paragraph is poorly translated – something about 'tracing' the bond. It looks like the crew of the Itobi were able to open the Nexus, and the husband was able to find his wife through this bond. No comment on whether the six others were found."

Then, her eyes widen. The suspense knots my stomach as she glances at me through the corner of her eye.

"What is it?" I ask anxiously.

"The… the rest of this paragraph talks about the woman's recovery."

My throat goes dry. "Recovery?"

"Again, it's not a full account," she warns me, "but Jun-ha suffered what looks like severe depression. The Nexus is described as 'a dream made real,' and 'perfect peace.' Jun-ha couldn't find joy in the real world when she returned."

I stare dumbly. A dream reality? Is that were Kendrix is now? Living in some dreamscape, enjoying 'perfect peace?' Is that even possible?

Karone gulps suddenly, turning to face me. "Ultimately, she killed herself."

It takes a moment for that to sink in. Karone looks away from me, her hand reaching for the keyboard. "Maybe I should study this more carefully. There must be something we missed-"

"Let me take a look," I insist. She nods, rolling her chair just far enough to let me steer.

I take a second look. And a third. Karone is absolutely right; there's definitely a few key pieces to this chronicle missing, left untranslated by the Science Division. Still, the last English sentences are painfully clear.

"After over a month of treatment, she showed no signs of recovery. Mourning the loss of the perfect peace experienced in the Nexus, Jun-ha Diran chose to end her suffering by ending her life."

The next paragraph is mostly unreadable, but I don't think I have the presence of mind to read it anyway. In fact, for nearly a minute I can't bring myself to do anything at all.

I barely feel the hand that grasps mine, squeezing tightly. "Leo, we can't jump to conclusions. This is only one account… and it's filled with holes. We don't know how long Jun-ha was in the Nexus, or how she was rescued. Maybe they forced her out, or-"

I can hear her talking, but the words aren't sinking in. "We saw the phrase 'perfect peace' more than once," I note, practically glaring at the two words on the screen. "Some other descriptors are 'a dream made real' and 'bliss.' Does this mean that the Nexus is heaven?"

Karone's eyebrow rose. "Well, I'm not the expert in Terran mythology, but I thought heaven was only accessible to the dead. Kendrix is very much alive. I spoke to her, and so did Maya."

"Yes, and Maya told us that Kendrix said she was 'in a wonderful place.'" My vision blurs, and suddenly I can't see the screen anymore. "Think about it – this Jun-ha was rescued by her husband, and she still preferred the Nexus to her home. The Nexus doesn't sound like a prison."

"It's a prison if Kendrix is being held there against her will!" Karone stands up, turning my chair around to force me into facing her. "Leo, we know Kendrix is trying to get home. We know she'd be right here if she had the choice."

She makes sense, but… "If we bring her back, she could die."

Karone closes her eyes, sighing heavily. "Yes, it's possible. But we don't know for sure. We only have one precedent, and we don't know enough about this woman, her circumstances, or how she was rescued. We can't just give up."

"I'm not giving up," I answer quickly, but my uncertainty rings clear in my voice. "I… I just need to think about this."

I rub the bridge of my nose, suddenly worn out. "Let's call it a day."

She watches me silently for a few moments before she replies. "Okay, Leo," she concedes, drawing away from me. "We'll continue tomorrow."

I muster a weak, but grateful smile, and clear out of Kendrix's old room. I'm in my own world as I walk aimlessly through the halls of Terra Venture, my mind insistently reassembling all the pieces of information we've collected.

I never even considered the possibility that Kendrix is better off where she is. I'd been so focused on bringing her back… getting her back… to really see the situation.

What if she really is in some wonderful dream world right now? Why would she want to come back? Maybe that explains why she hasn't appeared to us since Karone got the pink Quasar Saber… maybe her mission is over, and she's now free to move on.

What right do I have to pull her back? We're fighting a war for survival, and Trakeena is even more dangerous than Scorpius was. We're billions of miles from home, with no solid idea when we'll find a suitable place to settle. Sure, it's an adventure… but life on Terra Venture is definitely a challenge, especially for us Rangers.

How can I drag her back to this, just so I can have her back?